問題は、「広告は若い人たちに悪い影響を及ぼすので広告は
禁止されるべきである。賛成か反対か、具体的例を出して
意見を述べよ」。
…すんごいありがち。まぁいいや。

で、みかんが書いたの↓

Today, advertisements can be seen everywhere from TV to
billboard. Some people claim that young people are influenced
negatively by these advertisements. However, others say
that advertising has its merits. This paper will enlighten the
effects that advertisements have on youth.

To begin with, there are various types of advertisements.
Some companies advertise foods which specifically appeal
to children. These commercial products look good to children,
leading them to consume the products. Although the appearances
of these products are great, many of them contain chemicals or
a significant amount of sugar and fat, and they cause children
various health problems, such as obesity and diabetes. Thus,
advertisements have a potential to harm children.

On the contrary, it is a fact that commercials will work effectively
on children if advertising is used correctly. Since TV or billboard
has such an impact on people, that can be used as a method
of education. Information, for example, health issues, may be
learned effectively by using commercial mediums. In addition,
were commercials forbidden because of the reason that they
have a negative impact on youth, thousands of people who work
for advertising would lose their jobs, causing a significant
decrease in economic activities. Indeed, advertising plays an
important role in society.

Coming up with a conclusion, the mentioned points lead me
to the opinion that advertising should be restricted, but
should not be banned, as it also has a positive impact on children
and society if it were used properly.（33分）

このエッセイで、みかんが考えられる問題点としては…
Lexical resourceだと思う。”Advertisement”という言葉を
フォームを変えつつも何度も使用しているので、ボキャブラリー
の数が少なめ。あと、もし新聞や論文などの情報源のきっちり
した根拠を入れるとTask responceが良くなるんじゃないか…
と思った。ただ、トピックからそれずに理由づけしてあるので、
それはプラス。

最後の結論でもう一文追加して、将来への提案や展望を
書いてみれば、ちょっといいかも知れない。

その他、Coherence（論理的であること、問題文をそのまま
使ってないことなど）は大丈夫だと思うし、Grammarも問題ない
と思うので、その点ではプラス。

↑のような感じで、みかんは毎回自分のエッセイをIELTSの
評価基準（IELTSのOfficial Siteからダウンロードできる）
に合わせて見てみている。

最初に比べれば格段に良くなってきているものの、もう少し
修行が必要。あと1週間、ラストスパートである。